Behaviour
The house is too quiet, you wake at walk time, the other dog searches every room. Grief for a dog is real, and it needs time rather than hurry.
Worth knowing. The dog left behind may eat less and sleep more for a few days; that is usually sadness. If he eats nothing at all for two days, loses weight or vomits, see your own vet. Many dogs left behind are old themselves, and an illness can look like grief.
Last week you made the decision you had been putting off for months. Your thirteen-year-old dog went to sleep on the vet's table with his head in your hand. Now the house is too quiet. You wake at six, walk time. You hear claws on the floor and there is nobody there. A colleague said "it was only a dog, get another one", and you have not mentioned him since. Maybe there is a second dog searching the house for him, or a child asking where he has gone. This page is about that grief: why it hurts so much, what does not help, and what you can do in the first weeks for yourself, for the children and for the dog left behind.
You lived together every single day, for years. He was there in the morning, every time you came home, on the bad evenings. He never asked for anything complicated and he saw you in every mood you have. When he goes, the shape of the day goes with him: the six o'clock walk, the bowl to rinse, the path through the park. You feel the gap dozens of times a day, in small things.
Studies of people who have lost dogs show that, for many of them, the grief after a pet dies comes close in intensity to losing a person they were close to. You are not overreacting and it is not weakness.
The people around you do not always see it that way. Psychologists have a name for this: disenfranchised grief, a loss others do not take seriously, so you carry it alone. No time off, nobody turning up with a casserole, nowhere to cry without feeling embarrassed.
Then there is the guilt. If you chose euthanasia, you wonder whether it was too soon or too late. If he died suddenly, you wonder what you missed. Nearly everyone goes through these questions. Most of them have no answer, and the ones that do usually let you off: you decided with what you knew at the time, out of care for him.
Dogs feel the loss too. We do not know what they understand about death. We do know that a dog who has lived for years with another often changes once the other one is gone. He searches the house, eats less, sleeps more, plays less and sticks to you like glue. Part of that is missing his companion. The rest comes from your sadness, which he reads perfectly.
"Get another dog straight away." For some people it works. For many, the new dog is measured against the old one at every turn and always comes up short. He is a different dog, not a replacement part, and deserves to be chosen for who he is.
Pretending you are fine. Grief that gets pushed aside does not go away; it just waits. You do not need anyone's permission to cry.
Telling a child the dog "went to live on a farm" or "went to sleep". The child will wait for him to come back, or start to fear going to sleep. Tell the truth in simple words that suit their age: "He died. His body stopped working. He isn't coming back. It's all right to be sad."
Clearing everything away the next day, or not touching a thing for months. Both are ways of not looking at the loss. Clear up at your own pace and keep what you want to keep.
Going over and over what you could have done differently. If the question will not leave you alone, go to the vet who treated him and ask directly. More often than not, the answer brings some peace.
Smothering the other dog with attention, treats and new indulgences, or changing his whole routine. He needs the opposite: his old routine, as untouched as possible.
Grief does not move in a straight line. His birthday, the first snow, the first holiday without him can bring it all back. That is normal.
A new dog comes when you can enjoy him for who he is. For some people that means a few weeks, for others years, and some never get another. Every one of those is right.
| When | For you | For the dog left behind |
|---|---|---|
| The first days | Saying goodbye, deciding about the body, a few days off if you can | Unchanged routine, more quiet walks |
| Weeks 1–2 | Talk to people who knew him; sleep and eat | Watch eating, sleep, play; note what has changed |
| Weeks 3–6 | The memory box, your own ritual | Food-searching games, a few new things |
| After 6–8 weeks | If you cannot function at all, ask for help | If he has not picked up at all, see the vet |
For you. Sadness, crying, no energy and poor sleep in the first weeks are normal. Talk to your GP or a counsellor if, after a few months, you cannot cope at work or at home, you are not sleeping or eating, you have shut yourself off completely or nothing seems to have any point. If you are thinking of harming yourself, call your local emergency number now; in the UK and Ireland you can also call Samaritans on 116 123, day or night.
For the dog left behind. A grieving dog usually eats a little less for a few days and sleeps more. See your vet if he eats nothing at all for two days, loses weight, vomits, has diarrhoea, hides and will not come out, or shows no sign of picking up after a few weeks. Many dogs left on their own are old themselves, and a new illness can look exactly like sadness.
Some vet practices and charities run support groups or phone lines for people who have lost a pet; in the UK, Blue Cross runs a free pet bereavement support service. It is worth asking. An hour with people who will never say "it was only a dog" does more than you might expect.
What dog owners search for most often on the internet about this problem, with the short answer.
Not quickly, and you do not need to. A few days off help, as does talking to people who knew him, a ritual of your own (a memory box, a letter, an album) and a routine you hold on to stubbornly: sleep, food, getting out of the house. The pain softens over weeks or months, with harder days now and then.
Yes. Studies of people who have lost dogs show that for many, the grief is close to losing someone they loved. He was there every day, for years. When people around you say "it was only a dog", the loss does not get any smaller. You just feel more alone with it.
Many change after their companion dies: they search for him, eat less, sleep more, play less and stick close to you. We do not know what they understand about death, but they feel his absence and your sadness. An unchanged routine, quiet walks and games where he finds his food with his nose all help.
The truth, in simple words: "He died. His body stopped working. He isn't coming back. It's all right to be sad." Avoid "he went to sleep" or "he went to live on a farm", which leave them waiting or frightened of sleep. Let them ask questions, draw, and be there for the goodbye if they want to.
There is no correct timescale. A new dog fits in when you can enjoy him for who he is, without comparing him at every step with the one you lost. For some people that means a few weeks, for others years. If you still have a dog at home, think about his age, health and temperament too.
A behaviour that appears suddenly or changes for no apparent reason can have a medical cause. For full details, consult your dog's own veterinarian.
They often come together: the same causes, plans that complement each other.
He no longer manages the stairs, eats only from your hand, pants at night. You choose the moment with your own vet, with a calendar of good and bad days in hand.
He paces at night, stands with his nose in a corner, waits at the wrong side of the door, wees indoors. Some of it is age. Some of it can be treated.
Two dogs can be twice the joy, but the first weeks need a plan: meeting outdoors, separate meals and daily breaks for the resident dog.
You pick up the lead and nobody comes. He sleeps, leaves food in the bowl, ignores the ball. An off day or the first sign of illness; what comes with it decides.
An assessment session tells you where you stand and which plan makes sense for your dog. The behaviour programme then works step by step, reward-based only.